Forcibly unwinding from overwhelm and trying to restore our bodies with a set time period during the holiday season is not easy. Coming back into the new year, I sense that so many of us are intentionally trying to find ways to slow down and are realizing that we aren’t the best at it.

Behind the front of busyness

You don’t get the point of rest yet. You may only know how to bounce back after hitting burnout, dealing with illness, or facing challenges.

But rest... what’s that again?

Symptoms of not knowing how to truly rest:

• irritability

• sensitivity around time

• indecisiveness

• permanence anxiety: “this is what it will always be” “I’m always going to be behind in life”

• internalized oppression and shame
  

You might not have noticed but...you are in survival mode.

Note the survival math:

• Pressure to achieve x y z by the end of the day or else the day will be wasted or ruined.

• The need to make sure activities for rest/enjoyment will work out and have benefits → “If I were to make art, it will only be worth it if I feel calmer.”

• Free time spent on others = acceptable
Free time spent on myself = time wasted

I don’t know who needs to hear this but...

You do NOT have to be a continuous improvement project for the new year.

Rest is NOT something that is earned or deserved!

DIS-EASE is a disease.

Two questions I have for you to reflect on are:

What are you preoccupied by when you are engaging in ‘busyness’?

Is this where your pain resides? Or is your pain located/hiding somewhere else?

It's my (very Virgo) birthday in a few days and I've been feeling a mixture of not being able to catch up to this heavily socialized age, and amused by how I have been attempting to restore pieces of girlhood.

ੈ✩‧₊˚

When I entered the early years of my 20s, I related to my struggles very differently.

If I were to wear the lens of how I saw the world and myself from then, this would have been playing as a record in my head:

"I am unforgiving towards myself, coping with the fear of losing what is deemed as love and care through people pleasing.

When I struggle, I think that I am the burden. 

I have to get through this all on my own."

It's complicated because at the same time, I also know that my younger selves in my 10s and 20s have been very protective of me in the ways they knew how:
 

I made it a mission to save up financially in order to free myself from complex family dynamics (still navigating this). 

I always played the big, tough role as the eldest daughter taking care of my younger sibling.

I would always ask myself, “what else can I do” to help my loved ones, because I cared. So much.

I am so proud of how far I've come because today:

I'm in the era of doing one thing that ‘scares my family' (aka oppressive systems, culture, the authorities) everyday.

I'm in my sensitive, expansive and ‘not carrying the pain around with me’ era.

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

I am coming out from a very individualist life and unlearning the harm from being socialized by oppressive systems under the guises of love and care. 

The wisdom of forgiving myself of shameful narratives I used to carry as my own burdens 

+ 

being in relation to my struggles in a compassionate, liberatory way have saved me and…

I found sanctuary through my community's witnessing of how far I've come. 

And I wish the same for you folks too.

Sending you Virgo energy + softness + forgiveness + love,

Linda

Struggling to understand this behaviour, especially when you are supporting someone close to you struggling with this behaviour, can be very difficult. Self-harming is such an important topic and is in need of more awareness in the mental health realm, which is why I was inspired to write about this.

Self-harming is a way to regain emotional balance to extremely disturbing emotional disturbances. These behaviours could be symbolic to taking an aspirin for recurring headaches—there is immediate relief, but the pain is guaranteed to resurface.

Self-harming include not only self-injuring but also behaviours such as food restriction, binging and purging, or binge drinking and drug addictions. These behaviours could stem from mental health concerns such as trauma and coping with depression, anxiety, grief and loss, and pressure from life transitions.

The two most common reasons for self-harming are:

1. to control the extremely painful and frightening experience of overwhelming emotions

2. to escape from the awful feeling of being numb and empty.⁣

How you can help if you know someone who is struggling with self-harming:⁣

• Don’t be afraid to ask what they are going through or if they have anyone they trust who they can talk to about what is happening.⁣ Follow your instincts: if you suspect signs of depression or suicidal thoughts/ideation, ask them. The conversation might be missed if no one talks about it.

• When the conversation starts, empathy and validation are crucial: communicating that you understand and value the other person’s experience (especially emotional experience), even when you may not necessarily share the same opinion.⁣ Showing up is more helpful than you think.

• Typical reassurance techniques may not work: such as “time will pass” or “can’t you choose to be happy?” may be seen as inconsiderable and could do more harm than good.⁣

• Help them find resources. Find a mental health professional who can help them gain coping strategies to manage self-harm and for them to have a secure, confidential space to talk about what they are experiencing. Your job is not there to fix/solve it.

Mental health professionals go through years of training to create a secure environment for those hurting to express what’s happening and they provide unconditional positive regard. If the professional specializes in the self-harm behaviour you are struggling with, please reach out. Your story is important. You do not have to struggle with this overwhelm alone.

If you or someone you know needs help, please call one of the numbers below:

• 9-1-1 if you are in an emergency.

• 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) if you are considering suicide or are concerned about someone who may be.

• 310Mental Health Support at 310-6789 (no area code needed) for emotional support, information and resources specific to mental health. 

• Kid’s Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 to speak to a professional counsellor, 24 hours a day.
  
  For more information please visit this link.
  
  Disclaimer: Everything posted here is for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for individualized medical or mental health treatment. If you are in need a therapist, book a free consultation with me via this link.