What does it take to feel our enough-ness these days?

Lately in therapy sessions, in conversations with friends and family, and while recording the self-directed workshop series in collab with @friendlybureau on healing money (made for children of immigrants and working-class folks), I keep sensing a common thread. That we’re all experiencing a quiet, complex grief, each in our own way.

And one symptom that festers is the feeling of being stuck on a hamster wheel of proving.

There’s this unrelenting pressure to stay urgent, distracted, productive. Proving to others, yes—but if I’m unbearably honest, we’re trying to prove to ourselves that we’re enough.

My nervous system is so often on edge, caught in a cycle of not being there for myself enough—not resting enough, not reaching out enough, not building the right kind of structure. Always chasing a version of 'enough' that was never mine to begin with. These 'enoughs' don’t align with the values I want to bring into the world, or with what truly matters to me.

But when I slow down even just a bit, I become increasingly curious:
Do we know what our enough is?

Has it been named, clarified, or felt?

If we don’t know what enough is—how can we feel the enough?

When is enough... enough?
What even is ‘enough’?

Is the ‘enough’ we’re chasing actually important to us?

The attention economy: colonization of the mind

 It’s becoming harder to tell the difference between what we actually need and what the internet insists we should do.

Like taping my mouth shut so I don’t mouth breathe at night. Or doing facial yoga because I’ve been told my smile lines are deepening.

Each effort, well-intentioned, chips away at my energy: time feels tighter to the point where I want to hide in a dark cave, just to escape from all the noise.

Because there’s no actual importance, softness, appreciation of my life energy.

And that’s not even the life I want.

What if we could see that our body is trying its best—working so hard to meet the demands of the culture we live in?

Gentle reminders for you and me

 When we disconnect from our dreams, from presence—that’s a signal that we’re drifting from our body, our vitality, our aliveness.

Starting is enough.
Connecting our mind and body to witness how we react to the instability, unsustainable practices from these uncertain times, is enough. Like paying attention to our breath, we don’t have to change anything.

I believe that our bodies know deep down what doesn't matter to us and what actually matters.

What matters could be being witnessed, cared for, getting recognition or loved by those we hold close.

Maybe what matters is being of service because that is what heals us too.

Living with meaning, with pleasure, or with living dreams!

What if our collective aliveness is already in you—beneath the noise, quietly patiently waiting for you? 

When we confront the truth that we’re not here forever, something softens.

What if you are not existing and came all the way here to be excellent, but simply to connect?
To try.
To show up just as you are.
To bring something that matters to your soul.
To reach for life.

 
And as you find your way through all the noise...
you discover that you’re still enough.

 And that enoughness doesn’t define you either.

For a long time, I didn’t believe in the joy and ease of sharing my work.

To be real with you, I’ve been on the verge of stepping away and battling with my ideas and creativity ever since I started Decipher 5 years ago.

Choosing to recommit and act on my ideas again and again: stretching industry barriers around how a therapist ‘should’ show up, facing parts of myself I tend to avoid or reject, like money anxiety and asking for help, adapting to changes in our world, and considering the visibility of Decipher.

If you’re anything like me, maybe you’ve noticed how the journey back to our imagination can feel unsupportive and self-betraying at times. Just when we want to begin something new or return to something meaningful, instead of meeting ourselves with softness, we default to harshness. Like why are we getting so hard on ourselves for even trying?

How is it that the very moment we want to access our presence and power, judgement, pressure, control, fear show up?

So in this blog post, our mini research question is:

"Whose imagination are we living in?"

On a personal level, I think of this quote by Audre Lorde: 
 

“In the cause of silence, each of us draws the face

of her own fear — fear of contempt, of censure, or

some judgment, or recognition, of challenge, of

annihilation. But most of all, I think, we fear the

visibility without which we cannot truly live.”

The fear of being seen shows up when we’ve learned to censor ourselves before anyone else gets the chance to. It shows up when the guarded protector part of me is activated. It doesn't pay attention to what actually nourishes me. It's what happens from living under harmful systems designed to cut us off from ourselves.

But facing the soul-crushing parts of the world asks something different of us. It calls us to slow down, to zoom out from the noise, to tune in to what really matters, and to show up with presence.

Those who monopolize resources, also monopolize our imagination

Let's just lay it out. I NEED you to pay attention to where your attention is going. 

We have to get crystal clear and pursue dreaming and building on our imagination. 

 We need to deprogram from the capitalism and the AI-chokehold it has on our psyche, voice and art.

There's a quote by a sociologist, thinker, African American scholar, Dr. Ruha Benjamin in her book Imagination: A Manifesto where she writes, “those who monopolize resources also monopolize imagination”. How is it that we can imagine a world where we can colonize another planet and fly over to get brunch, or design babies based on epigenetics or have AI systems that simulate people who have already passed away, but we can't imagine a world where no child is hungry or where violence is not a thing, where we are rooted in abundance and ease (instead productivity and urgency).

This is a reminder to myself, and to anyone who needs to hear this: 

💙 Let go of the pressure to be polished all the time in our craft. 

💙 Share your thoughts with people, even when they’re messy or unfinished. 

💙 Connect even in virtual spaces where we bring in quirks into our art, random edits, going off-script, with pauses, where something real breaks through instead of reading paragraphs with em dashes everywhere IYKYK. 

💙 There’s something powerful in expressing ideas just from our imagination, not ones from Big Tech!

Every time you share your sensitivities, ideas and imagination, they connect us and humanize us. 

I really want you to know that your perspectives and ideas are worth exploring and it would be such an honour for the world to hear and witness them ❤️

When we show up as we are, we give others permission to do the same too!
 

Somehow from 5 years of fearing visibility, I’m still showing up at Decipher, writing these monthly-ish newsletters, growing a community to co-create visions into existence!

Happy 5 years to this amazing community and everyone who’s stopped by or keeps coming back. I’m really grateful for all of you who make this space feel alive and full of possibility. Here’s to many more years of healing and dreaming together!

written by Maryam Dada, M.A., RCC
mildy edited by Linda Lin, RCC, CCC RCAT

Do you have a favourite fictional book and if so, what makes it your favourite?
Is it the characters? The storyline?
Or a bit of both?
Increasing research has come out around the therapeutic benefits of reading fiction and bibliotherapy.  

In this blog post, we’ll be exploring:
• the self-improvement fallacy
• why reading is an act of resistance
• how reading fiction both influences and amplifies our empathy and sense of self
• bibliotherapy as a creative approach to collective healing

The Self-Improvement Fallacy

In the 90s, we saw a big push towards reading self-help or psychological books that really influenced societies’ reading habits. It makes sense, when we think about therapeutic reading, we are naturally going to want to read educational, self-help, and informative books. 

According to market research, the self-improvement industry (books, podcasts, academies, courses) is only going to continue growing. While there is a lot of good and useful information in these self-help books, they often sway towards being text heavy, which can take some time for us to process and digest, and don’t always leave us feeling ‘improved’. 

On one hand, I understand the desire for accessible self-improvement interventions, and on the other, I worry about the implications of a society driven by “self-improvement” (air quotes intended). 

Self-improvement implies that there is always something to be working on. In other words, it operates on the belief that you, just as you are, are not good enough. 

From a therapeutic perspective, there is a difference between acknowledging things that would be helpful to work on…and believing that you always need to improve.

You don’t always have to be improving something about your life — in fact, this notion may stem from feelings of internalized capitalism and productivity. Instead, it can be helpful to ask, who benefits from you having these feelings? 

Why Reading Fiction is Key 

This is where fiction comes in. Human beings are experiential in nature. This means we learn best through experiencing something. 

Reading fiction is different from studying a text or absorbing information. The very act is experiential. When we read stories we are getting a first-hand account of a characters’ lived experience. 

We get to go on adventures with them, understand what they’re feeling, and take part in their journey. It’s a gateway into a different life or timeline, a peek into a world different from our own. That’s what makes reading fiction so invaluable, the opportunity to experience life from a different perspective.

Bibliotherapy is a gentle, creative therapeutic approach that uses literature, storytelling, and poetry to offer perspective, deepen insight, and support positive change in clients. Books can provide a form of support that allows clients to find comfort, wisdom, and emotional connection. 

“We are more alike than we are unalike”- Maya Angelou

The Therapeutic Benefits of Reading Fiction 

There are many therapeutic benefits to reading fiction  (Billington et al., 2010; Parker, 2018; Dodell-Fetir, Tamir, 2018) it can:

• ↑ our capacity to understand and relate to others 

• ↑ our empathy and compassion for ourselves and others 

• ↑ our social well-being—while reading we relate to characters in the story and that helps to both normalize and validate different experiences 

• Give us diverse perspectives on matters 

• Give us insight into other communities and groups

• ↑ our concentration and ability to focus 

• ↑ our self-awareness and ability to articulate 

• Allow us to slow down and process stories

• Help to regulate our nervous system

• Help us engage in an act of counterculture. In a fast paced world that lauds productivity as the standard, reading is an act of resistance. 

Increased Empathy and why it matters

Reading fiction allows us to deep dive into the human condition with its powerful capacity for resonance. We experience the spectrum of emotions from the protagonist and in doing so are simultaneously expanding, validating, and normalizing our own experience of what it means to be a human. 

One of my favourite quotes comes from Donna Tartt’s Goldfinch, on Art. She says:

“…even if we’re not always so glad to be here, it’s our task to immerse ourselves anyway: wade straight through it, right through the cesspool, while keeping eyes and hearts open.”

Increasing our empathy and our understanding of human behaviour, we take part in the struggle against moral apathy… or what happens when we no longer care about one another. 

James Baldwin famously said, “I am terrified of moral apathy, the death of the heart” 

Reading fiction is one of the best protective mechanisms against that struggle, precisely because of its relatibility. Given the current climate on book bans and universities censoring students, it is incumbent on us, the people, to question the systems at place, seek knowledge, and expand our awareness.

Have you read any famously banned books? If yes, consider why they might have been banned and what it means to sensor a narrative. Knowledge is our best ammunition against ignorance, and as a result against indifference. It's not only cool to care, it's crucial. 

Maryam is a Registered Clinical Counsellor at Decipher. If you like to explore themes in tv, media, or literature and how it relates to your life or the different things you may be going though, she may be a good fit.  She is currently taking new clients! Book a free consultation with Maryam today—available online and in person in so-called Vancouver, BC.

written by Maryam Dada, M.A., RCC
mildly edited by Linda Lin, RCC, CCC, RCAT

I started watching the hit show Severance on the recommendation of one of my besties who works in the corporate world. The show, which is currently receiving a lot of attention for its sci-fi portrayal of ‘work-life balance,’ depicts the lives of corporate workers at Lumon, a Biotech company. These employees have undergone a surgical procedure, known as severance, that allows them to mentally separate their work life from their personal life. An implanted device causes employees to lose all their memories of the outside world, which then creates a split personality— the “innie” who works at Lumon, and the “outie” who gets to live their personal life.

We’re going to be exploring the importance of mind-body connection, explain the role of our nervous systems (specifically the ANS), and what it looks like to live an ‘embodied’ life.

What Is Severance Really Saying About Work-Life Balance?

As I was watching, I couldn't help but think of all the different mental health implications of a severance procedure while also recognizing the appeal of getting some separation from work and the very coveted ‘work life balance’… especially under late-stage capitalism. 

Severance is set in the near future where getting this medical procedure is certainly controversial but also advertised, encouraged, and appealing for many. 

The main character, Mark, was a history professor at the local university whose wife died in a car accident. We learn that Mark chose to work for Lumon because it was easier than grieving his dead wife; which of course, is not the healthiest solution for grief and loss, but it does humanize our main character and sets the premise for some pretty important mental health questions. Namely, can work-life balance be achieved by splitting our personalities?

If our work personas only exist at work, it sure would make it a lot easier to not bring work home, to not think about work after hours, or to work overtime. And for our main character, Mark, having the option of forgetting about his partner’s death, seems like a surefire way to not deal with it™. 

Although, I wonder how true that actually is. 

While a very interesting premise and story-line, with many different undertones about our society and the emphasis we place on work, and how human beings respond to and deal with trauma, or even the ethical implications about having what is essentially a clone…

I think one of the biggest considerations for me was thinking about what happens to our bodies. 

The Mind-Body Connection: Why Compartmentalization Doesn't Work

From a therapeutic perspective, we might be able to mentally compartmentalize parts of our lives and that kind of organization can certainly be helpful, however we cannot escape from our bodily sensations. 

The mind-body connection operates on the belief that our mental and physical health are linked (Pally, 1998). When we feel dysregulated or even discomfort, we are likely experiencing a mental and physical symptom. 

For example, when you are feeling anxious you might start to have racing thoughts, while also noticing your muscles tensing or your palms becoming sweaty, you could have butterflies in your tummy, or even be feeling nauseous.

Strengthening the mind-body connection is a gentle reminder that we are made up of not only our mental states but also our physical states. It’s acknowledging that our bodies are not simply vehicles for our minds, but that two work in tandem to keep us healthy.

Understanding the Autonomic Nervous System and Stress

When we work to strengthen that mind-body connection we are engaging in a form of emotional regulation and directly working with our nervous systems. 



The Autonomic Nervous System (ANS)

•  is our body’s command centre that influences everything from our breathing to our heart rate and how we navigate and understand stress (Gibbons, 2019). 

• The ANS can be thought of in two parts: the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system. 

Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS): Our bodies’ fight or flight response that activates when we perceive a threat. It prepares our body by increasing our heart-rate, blood pressure, and by releasing adrenaline. 

Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS): Our bodies’ at rest and digest. After a stressful situation, this system allows our body to slow and restore balance. 

ANS and the Severance Department: Our Bodies’ Aren’t Separate

Our ANS plays a big role in our bodies response to stress and furthers the importance of strengthening the mind-body connection. In Severance, characters who’ve undergone the medical procedure are only mentally compartmentalizing their lives. This means that if either the innie or the outie experiences a significant amount of stress or trauma —it will show up in the body for both of them. 

If the fight or flight response gets triggered for the innie at work, their outie will feel the effects of that in their body too. One could even argue that being severed doubles the stress, exacerbated by the fact that neither personality can remember what happens to the other. 

When we start to factor in mind-body connection, including how our autonomic nervous system plays a role, the curtain gets pulled back a bit more, and we see that ‘work-life balance’ for the characters in Severance is merely a mirage. 

Practical Ways to Cultivate an Embodied Life

Our bodies are central to our mental health, when we are living in ways that are embodied or simply, being in tune with the way our body feels throughout the day, we are more likely to engage in the kind of emotional regulation that activates the parasympathetic nervous system — when we are recalibrating and at rest. 

This is easier said than done and it takes practice. It’s a normal thing to want to compartmentalize, run away, or hide from our problems/feelings and a large part of that is societal conditioning to value productivity. 

One of the ways we can practice becoming more embodied is to give ourselves permission to exist, be, and/or live slower but with more intention. This is where somatic interventions like box breathing, grounding exercises, physical activity, or meditations can help by bringing us back into the present moment and creating an awareness of our body to develop a more holistic approach to our healing.

Further Reading on Trauma, Stress, and Embodiment
Invitations for further study

Bodies you can mirror when being in your own is just too much via Instagram @eroticsofliberation https://www.instagram.com/p/DGLGS6WssSC/?igsh=MWVmODAyM2oyYXBoNg==
Book: The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex PTSD for People of Color by Natalie Y. Gutiérrez

Podcast: The Meaning of Embodiment, with Prentis Hempill https://www.ted.com/talks/how_to_be_a_better_human_the_meaning_of_embodiment_w_prentis_hemphill

References: 

Pally, R. (1998). Emotional Processing; The mind-body connection. The International journal of psycho-analysis, 79(2), 349.

Gibbons, C. H. (2019). Basics of autonomic nervous system function. Handbook of clinical neurology, 160, 407-418.

About the Author: 

Maryam is a Registered Clinical Counsellor at Decipher. She is currently taking new clients! If you like to explore themes in tv, media, or literature and how it relates to your life or the different things you may be going though, she may be a good fit. 

Interested in exploring work-life balance and embodiment through therapy? Book a session with Maryam today—available online and in person in so-called Vancouver, BC.