Forcibly unwinding from overwhelm and trying to restore our bodies with a set time period during the holiday season is not easy. Coming back into the new year, I sense that so many of us are intentionally trying to find ways to slow down and are realizing that we aren’t the best at it.

Behind the front of busyness

You don’t get the point of rest yet. You may only know how to bounce back after hitting burnout, dealing with illness, or facing challenges.

But rest... what’s that again?

Symptoms of not knowing how to truly rest:

• irritability

• sensitivity around time

• indecisiveness

• permanence anxiety: “this is what it will always be” “I’m always going to be behind in life”

• internalized oppression and shame
  

You might not have noticed but...you are in survival mode.

Note the survival math:

• Pressure to achieve x y z by the end of the day or else the day will be wasted or ruined.

• The need to make sure activities for rest/enjoyment will work out and have benefits → “If I were to make art, it will only be worth it if I feel calmer.”

• Free time spent on others = acceptable
Free time spent on myself = time wasted

I don’t know who needs to hear this but...

You do NOT have to be a continuous improvement project for the new year.

Rest is NOT something that is earned or deserved!

DIS-EASE is a disease.

Two questions I have for you to reflect on are:

What are you preoccupied by when you are engaging in ‘busyness’?

Is this where your pain resides? Or is your pain located/hiding somewhere else?

Underpaintings and impasto paintings* always reminded me of the history an artwork holds:

The layers upon layers of buried marks, hidden tries, vibrant stories and editions within a painting (aka. an experience). 

They remind me of the dimensions and depth of heartwork, that can capture the sad and longing parts of grief and their gifts of creation and fulfillment that comes with heartwork.

* Underpainting is referred in traditional art as a thin wash or layer that you build on your image; playing with tones, to create depth. 

Impasto painting is a technique in which paint is applied to a surface in a thick and textured manner, creating a three-dimensional effect.

Map of Grief / Gifts of Grief

Here’s your art therapy prompt:

In this practice, we will be tending to underpainting and impasto painting not as techniques, but as encouragement to make marks on a fresh blank canvas, revisit and build on our images as a container for your emotions. 

Here are the materials you will be playing with:

Your choice of paint**: watercolours, acrylic paint, gouache or oil

Your choice of pencils/crayons: pens, pencil crayons, watercolour pencils

Your choice of materials that represent gifts: cool stickers, sparkly gel pens, dried pressed flowers, glitter, etc. 

 

Part 1: A Wash ⽔ (water)

• Start off with a thin wash of your choice of paint as a base. 
• Let it dry.

 

Part 2: Depth ⼟ (earth)

• Layer on with additional washes, or working your choice of pencils/crayons, add onto your image to create interest or depth. 

• You may choose to play with symbols and metaphors in mind throughout this process.

• You can add as many layers as you wish.

 

Part 3: The Gifts ⼼ (heart)

• Hopefully this is a fun and enjoyable part: add on your coolest stickers, draw with sparkly gel pens, glitter, to represent the gifts of heartwork. 
• Play with symbols and metaphors in mind and let your unique processing run free!

• You may even choose to revisit the image again and again to add or edit more layers and insights.

 

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

**Please note that the more fluid the paint is, the less control you may have with the medium of choice. With this in mind, choose what you currently have emotional capacity for. Work with water-based paints with water-based pens and pencils or oil-based paints with oil-based crayons.

After you finish your art piece…

In a notebook or on a piece of paper (it can be on the back of your art piece too), scribble and note down anything that is within your capacity to reflect on from this exercise.

Here are reflection questions for you:

• Were there any moments of slowing down, points in time yearning for attention from you?

• If resistance showed up: can you name what tried to protect you from going into this exercise or going into points of your grief that may be too big to handle in the moment. You are welcome to draw the resistance out too.

How did that go for you? If you wanted to share your artwork or thoughts, feel free to email me at linda@deciphercounselling.com.

Save this art therapy prompt and come back to it for another day. If you know someone who may like this, share this prompt with them!

Thanks so much for being here and trying something new!

Abled-supremacy is real, and it’s right in front of our faces.

It’s been almost 3 wild years of this unprecedented change in our lives: for many, losses, feelings of isolation and difficulties in emotional/mental/physical health; changes in finances, career, and missing relationships of our loved ones around the world has been extremely painful. The way we relate with one another has become so different and at times, disorienting to our foundations. Abled-supremacy (ableism) is becoming so obvious with part of it being through the effects of the pandemic.

“A cornerstone of being disabled in an ableist world is isolation.“ - Mia Mingus

In August, I caught coronavirus. I am not immunocompromised, yet it took me nearly 2 months to feel like myself again- after losing hearing from my left ear from that duration of time. If you have experienced internalized ableism when being sick, you will know how unkind and unforgiving you can be towards yourself. You may experience washes of shame and rage that can only be ‘replaced’ if you were to coerce yourself to be ‘productive’: by overriding your body’s need to operate on rest to reach some sort of equilibrium.

When we don’t talk about ableism or wear our masks during an ongoing pandemic, we contribute to the erasure of our disabled kin and reject parts of us that aren’t within the ‘norm’.

Although I am someone who has been actively trying to wear my mask and carrying a hand sanitizer in my bag at all times, it has not been easy and many times discouraging when I want to advocate for others around me to do the same or when I’m questioned by others around me whether I am sick when I bring my mask along.

Ever since mandated masks and social distancing has been lifted, many of us returned to blatantly erasing and gaslighting the immunocompromised, sick and disabled community, away from existence. We have lost our way and abandoned our disabled kin.

We have been rejecting ‘disabled deaths for abled life’ and this is a direct commentary towards part of us we reject that aren’t within the norm.

”No institutions exist to help us survive—we survive because of each other” - Leah Lakshimi Piepzna, Samarasinha

I’ve been taking in the words of Mia Mingus, Leah Lakshimi Piepzna, Samarasinha and Talila Lewis and many more disabled justice-oriented activists who have been helping me find ways to create space and center in the wisdom of our SDQTBIPoC (Sick Disabled Queer Trans Black Indigenous People of Colour) community.


For the curious reader:

I hope you can recognize and call out your internalized ableist voice and challenge it.

I hope you get to find a community of folks who can acknowledge abled-supremacy, genuinely respect you including validating your experiences, and accepting all parts of you. Because collective healing and mutual aid can shift difficult and unbearable moments.

I hope you connect to parts of you that had been or has continuously been rejected and erased.

I hope you can be in solidarity and listen to our sick and disabled kin and be led by those who know the most about these systems and how they work - from leadership of those most impacted.

With warmth,

Linda

During my clinical practicum in grad school, I was working with folks who were concerned about their relationship towards their bodies and food. I started to research the compounding effects of diet culture, the history of fatphobia, how industries uphold this discriminatory practice - like how invasive it can be in healthcare - and all the intersections in between.

It can be exhausting healing from something that's been with you for so long.

Healing from disordered eating and body image issues requires stepping outside of the mainstream diet culture that tells us we need to be thinner, prettier, and perfect. It may take winding down similar roads, witnessing yourself straddle with diet culture-y behaviours that are both comforting and unsupportive.

Let’s get vulnerable and transparent. Because I also struggle with my body image, with food and self-esteem (it's been a love-hate relationship) so I really relate to folks I have been working with. I feel a sense of mission to advocate for inclusivity (aka real human care) in the healthcare field where Health at Every Size and intuitive eating is the BASELINE for respect when we are working within this area.

I see a huge gap in searching for a POC therapist working in this perspective. I also wish to find a HAES therapist who could understand and help me find a spot for care in my intersection of practicing intuitive eating, veganism and environmentalism after I made an ethical decision to adopt this lifestyle years ago. (the only account I have seen talking about this intersection is @greengirlleah - bless you!)

I believe there are MANY more intersections that folks like myself haven’t been able to find help and who don’t share this concern publicly— because of potentially receiving shame-infused reactions and assumptions.

Here are my favourite picks on books and podcasts that I recommend for anybody wanting to start reflecting on their own relationship with their body and food. I think that we all can use some more acceptance, compassion and embodiment in the body and the world we live in.

Books

1. Befriending Your Body written by Ann Saffi Biasetti

2. 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating written by Evenlyn Tribole and Elyse Resch

3. The Body is Not an Apology written by Sonya Renee Taylor

4. The Art of Body Acceptance written by Ashlee Bennett

5. Bodyfulness written by Christine Calwell

Podcasts

1. Food Psychology hosted by Christy Harrison

2. Body Kindness hosted by Rebecca Scritchfield

3. The Body Grievers Club by Bri

What other resources have you found helpful on your journey to body acceptance? Let us know in the comments below!

So there you go: my favourite resources I always go back to when I need it. Your relationship with your food and body will always be a journey and not a destination.

If you're ready to embark on this journey, we'd love to come along with you! Working with an anti-oppressive, HAES (health at every size) therapist can help you notice when you are self-policing, work through alongside you and these learnt behaviours of taking up less space. Maryam and I (Linda) from the team offers support, resources, and community for those healing from disordered eating and body image issues.

If you are struggling with an eating disorder or body image issues, please reach out for help. You are not alone. Help is available.